Here, alive, thriving...

Hi! I know, I know... I said I'd be back right after the trip.  I'm trying, I really am.  I have thoughts and stories and so many things I want to get down before they get lost, but by golly... fate seems to be against me right now.  I would just be fighting jet lag... but poor hubby picked up a cold (amidst the jet lag as well) and is doing his best not to give it to us and to recuperate so he can get through work.  Anni and I are trucking along, but not much is getting done outside of keeping us clean, fed and editing a photo or two as I can.  However, I do promise to start at the beginning tomorrow.  Until then, dream beautiful things.

 

Leavin'

Things have been a little quiet around here, I know.  We've been packing, planning and preparing for our Ireland trip.  We made the decision midway through the planning process that we weren't going to bring Anni with us.  I cringe a little every time I say that, like the other person is going to assume I'm an awful mother for leaving her.  Luckily, she'll be in the infinitely capable and loving hands of my mama, a woman I would trust more quickly than myself in an emergency.  She won't have to deal with 13 hours of travel and a significant time change and she will be surrounded by cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents who adore her.  But still, it's important to me that she feels as loved as possible, so I've been trying to be truly present.  We've gone on more walks this week, and done a lot more cuddling.  Daniel and I have stayed up singing her favorite songs on video, so that even when she can't reach us during this next week, she can see us if she needs it.  I'm allowing myself this mommy guilt, I think it's motivating to make sure I read her the extra books, sing the extra songs and cuddle as much as I can, so her little love tank is full up when we get on that plane.  However, I'm also reminding myself that it's okay to be beyond excited to be heading to Ireland.  I mean, guys (gals?), I'm going to IRELAND!  Daniel and I have dreamed of traveling abroad together since we started dating (he had just finished a semester in Italy at the time), and this is our first shot at it.  We were beyond blessed that we know an amazing family living in Dublin who are taking us in during our trip.  We have another friend coming with us and fulfilling her lifelong dream of visiting the land of her ancestors... it's kind of a trip all about fulfilling dreams.  And will I miss my baby?  YES!  I think that's good, and I think we're both going to come out better than okay in the end.

Until next time and the inundation of green, green pictures... love you all!

Brave

Miss Anni has grown leaps and bounds in the last week.  She's been so brave in ways I didn't imagine she could be!  We went to the park with some friends last week, and while she still shunned the swings, sat for a long, long, long time on the merry-go-round and let me slowly swing it around.  She even stood and walked while it was going!  My little girl really is a little girl instead of a baby now.

A few days later we headed to a play date with my mom's group at a local indoor play area.  My little Nugget fearlessly climbed the slide (a few dozen times!) and ventured into the big kid area.  At one point, I lost sight of her, and despite the fact that there was no way out, my heart stopped.  I found her quickly, but the thought going through my head for the rest of the trip was, "I'm so not ready for this."  I'm not.  I've felt unutterably inadequate as a mommy lately.  I've yelled at my sweet a couple of times, and then hated myself for the rest of the day.  I know lots of people yell sometimes, but gosh, she's so fragile... I don't want to break her!  I worry she doesn't hear my apologies and all she remembers of me are those times I yelled.   
  

Some days, I feel like I'm drowning, like there's no way I can be good enough for her and everyone else who needs.  I admit, sometimes I just want to quit everything I do, so that maybe I can be good at just one thing. 

That wouldn't be very brave of me; though, quitting.  And I want Anni to be proud of me, that brave little adventurer.

I'll keep trying, I really will.  Maybe Ireland will have a secret supermommy potion that will bring me back a better, more patient woman.  I hope so!

We've had one more big, big change in Miss Anni's life.  On a whim, Daniel and I looked through Craig's List ads recently for toddler beds.  We didn't really plan on buying one right away and definitely didn't plan on switching Miss Anni into it at this point.  However, there it was.  The perfect bed at the perfect price.  We bought it!

When Anni saw it, she fell immediately in love.  She has spent a good portion of her time since reading books on it, playing music on it, just lying there happily... you get the idea :).  We still had no plans for her to sleep in it as of yet, but today at naptime, I figured it would only be fair to give her the option.  The decision?  Crawled into her big girl bed and slept for over an hour.  That's big news, folks.  This girl rarely takes that long of a nap anyway!  I attempted it for bedtime, but our bedtime was harried, Daddy was gone and her runny nose got the best of her.  We switched to crib... mattress propped up and all of her lovies nearby.  I'm not worried either way, I love being able to give her this choice.  My sweet girl is brave, and she knows what's best for her... sometimes ;-).

I love her so, so much.

The end.  

Day #9 & 10: Getting Organized Challenge {Toy Organization & Laundry Room/closet}

I know, I know, you probably think I quit and fell off the face of the earth.  Well, kind of.  I pondered these two days for awhile, mainly because I was too overwhelmed and lazy to get the pictures I needed for the post.

We're going to start at the end, here.  Our laundry closet, because it really is a little closet, doesn't have a before picture (okay, neither do, today).  For the most part, I needed to clean empty bottles out and scrub away the laundry detergent that has been slowly dripping all over the shelf and floor since I bought the economy size (seriously, I thought it was awesome until that started... now I can't wait to finish the darn thing!)  A little vinegar and some elbow grease... things were a lot less sticky!  I also scrubbed what part of the floor I could reach.  Anni likes to try to squeeze next to the washer, so until I can wrestle it back to the center so she can't do that, at least the floor is clean.

Now, toy organization.  This is probably the wrong word to describe how we do things around here.  Recently, I went through all of Anni's toys, gave away the ones she didn't need/ didn't use/ were not on the approved mommy list (okay, almost all of those... there's one that is most likely going to disappear before her birthday).  While they aren't categorized and labelled, they do each have their place.


There's a cubby just for baby toys, which makes it easy when our littler friends come to visit.

The cars park next to Miss Anni's brand new toddler bed...

And, speaking of that toddler bed, because of it's unexpected arrival, there are a few things that probably will find new homes in the next few months, but it will be a slow process.

The bookshelf houses mostly, well, books.  The top shelf has the paper pages/ more easily ripped books, the next two shelves have all of the ones she can reach, and the bottom shelf holds her favorite wooden toys.  The blocks have almost always lived next to the shelf, Anni likes to use them as a step stool to look out the window.  I should probably consider a better place for them... ideas?

The tea set lives on the lower shelf of her night stand...

And, yes, there are a few toys that formerly lived under the crib that I moved to under the toddler bed.  These are mostly her musical instrument and puzzles.

There are more, but I think you get the gist.  Things have their place, and that's where they go at the end of the day.  The one thing I want to try is finding a couple of planters and hanging them for stuffed animal storage.  There is a basket in the closet housing them now, and I think they would probably enjoy being out in the open a little more :).

Happy Monday!

 

Day #8: Getting Organized Challenge {The Coat Closet}

Anni loved today's challenge.  Why, you ask?  Well, because our coat closet has a little shelf in it, and when the closet was alllll cleaned out, she could roll around, take a little snooze, and otherwise enjoy closing the door on herself.  Life was pretty good.  Oh, plus she found her favorite jacket from one size ago, making it that much better.

So, moving on to the before of the coat closet challenge:

 

 

Yep, pretty bad.  Things pretty askew, what plastic bags we have (we realized the other day that we are actually running low!  I'm finally remembering my cloth bags more!), the lovely spiced rum box from moving (liquor stores always have lots of boxes!), plus just a whole bunch of randomness.  I took everything but the tool box out (it's hard for me to lift of that shelf... and, well, it's there) and sorted things into a "keep" "give away" and "ask Daniel if I can give away (because it's his).  Anni sat in the closet the whole time and even as I filled it up.  In fact, this is the best "after" photo I have, but there's still room for her to sit in there, so as you can see, things are much tidier!