Rest in Peace, John Ward

The below is the text of my grandfather's obituary as written by my dad. He will be buried today.

John Morris Ward, formerly of rural Papillion, passed away in Mesa, Arizona on October 24, 2018 at the age of 94. Funeral services will be held at Trinity Lutheran Church, Papillion, on November 16 at 10 a.m.. Interment will be at Fairview Cemetery. American Legion Post 32 will provide military honors. A Celebration of Life will be conducted later in Mesa at Carriage Manor Retirement Park in January.

He was born to John M. and Mildred Holman Ward on December 13, 1923 on a farm near Gordon, Nebraska. The family moved to a farm northwest of Springfield, Nebraska in 1925. Two years later, they moved to the Clarke place (the Big House) one mile south of Papillion.

He graduated from Papillion High School in 1941. After attending Omaha University, he was drafted into the U.S. Army in late 1942. He served more than three years in the Army Signal Corps, the last year on Okinawa.

Returning home in 1946, he resumed college before deciding to farm and feed cattle with his father. He married Bernice Timme on June 22, 1947, and they started out in a house (the Little House) that had no water or electricity. To this union were born three daughters, Pamela, Bonnie, and JoAnn. In 1959 the Ward family moved to the Big House. In 1963 John’s father built a cabin on Lake Ojibway near Nevis, Minnesota where they spent many happy summers.

Shortly after moving to a new home on Platteview Road, his wife, Bernice, passed away in 1973. On October 4, 1974, John married Lucille Hanes Buesing. Lucille passed away in 2001.

John was active in the local community, serving 27 years on both the County Fair Board and the State Fair Board. He served on the Papillion School Board and Educational Service Unit #3 as well as in many other organizations. He was a member and past commander of American Legion Post 32 and the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) #9675. In 1991 he was named a Distinguished Graduate of Papillion-LaVista Public Schools.

In his later years, John lived in Mesa where he served on the retirement park’s architectural board and played washboard in the kitchen band. Deteriorating health forced John to move to Mariposa Point of Mesa, an assisted living facility, in the summer of 2018. His family is grateful to the staff of Mariposa Point and Family Comfort Palliative/Hospice Care for their loving attention to John in his final months.

John was preceded in death by his parents, John and Mildred Ward, his first wife Bernice, his second wife Lucille, his brother Bob, and his companion, Helen Mae Darrah.

He leaves to mourn his passing his three daughters: Pamela (Bob) Voboril, Bonnie (Virgil Wayne) Mink, and JoAnn (Mark) Rumley; his step-son Ron (Bobby) Buesing, and his sister-in-law Mary June Ward; 13 grandchildren: Amanda Dalton, Joe Mann, Mike Mann, Eve Mitchell, Mlada Hill, Kathleen Z. Lewis, Tom Voboril, Alzbeta Volk, Jakub Voboril, Matej Voboril, Rick Buesing, Steve Buesing, and Craig Buesing; 34 great-grandchildren, and numerous nieces, nephews, and friends.

John Ward was an unforgettable character. He was a successful farmer, a proud veteran, a caring husband, and a storyteller who made friends easily. He was a lifelong Christian, and he and Bernice were charter members of Beautiful Savior Lutheran Church. Perhaps due to his short stature, he could be cantankerous, but he also raised his three daughters to be strong and independent like him.

John enjoyed traveling, exploring, fishing, mischief, a great steak and a good stiff drink, but he enjoyed people most of all. A member of the Greatest Generation, John knew the difference between making a living and making a life, and he left his mark on the communities where he lived and on his family and friends whom he loved. Rest in peace, John.

Emílie Josephine

This is the only photo we have of  Emílie while alive. All they could really see was her itty bitty heart beat, but I'm so glad to have it. We thought we had lost it (we gave it to the girls when we found out we were pregnant), and the doctor's office had no copies left. Yesterday, lo and behold, it fluttered down at my feet while I was fixing up the prayer table. 

The other three girls have their birth stories written here, so it only feels write that  Emílie should as well.

We found out we were pregnant at the tail end of January.  This little lady was most certainly a surprise (I've never been able to get pregnant while nursing before!), but I quickly decided I like surprises, and we started dreaming of our autumn baby. The pregnancy was different from the beginning, with a scare at what we thought was 6 weeks, and then a sigh of relief with a heart beat on the ultrasound only a week later.

While I had several weeks of feeling exhausted, and a few days of nausea/vomiting, I was, overall, feeling pretty amazing compared to my previous pregnancies. Because of how different I felt, we were sure this meant that this baby was a boy, and we both thought the name Emil Joseph already fit him. The name Emil was after Servant of God Emil Kapaun, and Joseph is after Daniel('s middle name), as well as St. Joseph, obviously, though I later found out Emil Kapaun's middle name was Joseph as well, and Daniel's great-grandfather's name was the italian Emile.

I was having weekly HCG tests due to the early scare, as well as progesterone shots, though my progesterone was pretty low throughout. My HCG rose steadily, and the week before our next appointment, my doctor told me I could stop having that tested.

At my 13 week appointment, the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat, and he struggled to see much of anything on his old ultrasound machine. This didn't bother me too much at first, as my other three had each played hide-and-seek around this age, and I knew the ultrasound machine was new to the office, but older in years. The next morning, a more sophisticated ultrasound confirmed that our little one had passed away several weeks before, and for some reason I had not started to naturally miscarry.

The loss of our baby, and the hopes and dreams surrounding her has been exhausting and devastating. I am a slow processor of most thing, and I imagine this is going to take a long time to work through. While we continued to refer to her as Emil even through her burial, we did find out afterwards that our Emil was actually Emílie. With my surgery having been on April 20th (Emil Kapaun's birthday) and her burial on St. Joseph's feast day, we still felt that those were the patrons we wanted to watch over her, and she was named  Emílie Josephine ( Emílie is the Czech version of Emily and pronounced much like Amelia, just with an "Eh" sound at the beginning).

I cannot claim to be at peace, because there are so many questions I have left, and will continue to have until I can ask Christ Himself, but we are living life, all while enlarging it to include this sixth member in a different way than we expected. We stop by her grave, the girls continue to debate her name (while we called her Pip in pregnancy and beyond, the girls have also nicknamed her Lollipop, Isabella, and a host of other creative names), and we include her in our prayers. When I pack away the girls' outgrown clothes, it strikes me that she would have worn them. When I rearrange our plans for the year, I realize how centered around her they had become in such as short time. My girls easily accepted their fourth sister, and chat about their grief, but also tell their stories about who they think she might have been, and what they think she is doing now.

I am navigating a world I didn't expect to be a part of, but am only now realizing how many women have been in it the whole time.

WE SHALL FIND OUR LITTLE ONES AGAIN UP ABOVE
-St. zelie martin

Mother's Day 2017

This mother's day, I felt as though I had my feet in two worlds. One with my three darling girls, each who have shaped me as a mama in their own ways. And the other with our little one we buried two weeks ago tomorrow. She, too, has, and will continue to shape my life as a mama, and I am grateful for her life, however short. So, while I know today is about mothers, it is also about the four little people who have made me a mother. I truly hope I never take lightly the blessing each of them is.

To all of you who have beautifully wild babies at home, whose little ones you do not get to hold here on earth, or who are yearning for children, you are loved and thought of today.

Grandma Bessie

My grandma always smelled of roses.  There were always cookies on the dryer next to the dining room table, jello in the fridge, and favorite cereals in the upper cupboard.  She went to early Mass nearly every day... I don't think I ever went to a Mass at the little Czech parish in town without her right in front in her regular spot.  She once walked through the pronunciation of every word in a Czech song so I could teach it to my class in high school.  Nearly every bit of her walls were covered in photos, and every time I visited, I liked to make a loop through the little house to see my dad and our family through the years.  She always sent $10 on our birthdays, no matter what (and, with as many grand-babies as she had, that had to add up!)  She was stubborn.  None of us has ever doubted where our stubborn streaks come from.  I can only hope she knew how loved she was, and that knowledge brought her peace.

She died on January 14, 2014, was buried on January 18th, and everything smelled like roses. 

Love.

We are holding each other even closer tonight.  I don't have words, because no words can take away the grief of those parents, siblings and friends who don't get to cuddle their little ones today.  All I can do is pray and hope for peace for their hearts and love.  Love for this country and most importantly the people in it.

Sometimes, there is sadness.

I like to talk a lot about the happy things in life; because, who wouldn't rather talk about those than the sad things? 

Recently, there has been a lot of happiness.  My little facebook newsfeed has been filled with births, engagements, and all of the precious things in life.

There has been a lot of sadness, too.  Phone calls and quick messages whisper the news, as if everyone is afraid that if they say it too loud, it will become too real.  More mamas and daddies than should ever have to say good-bye to their babies.  One mama, delivering their sweet little boy soon after they named him and found out he was dying and then gone. 

I don't really have words.  I wish my words could wrap up the all the hurt and pain and slip it away from them.  I am safe in my warm little apartment with my sweet little family, but they have had their hearts ripped away, and I wish I could stop it.

I wish I could stop it all.

Unexpected

This weekend, my little family joined my parents, siblings and their babies in Nebraska to say good-bye to a dear friend of our family.  His name was Joe Bauer and he was my sister, Katie's, godfather.  I'm borrowing what my other sister, Millie, wrote the day he died. 

Joe Bauer died this evening at 5:30 p.m. May his soul, and all the souls of the faithful departed, rest in peace. Joe loved Notre Dame football, shortwave radio, and Czech and Latin jokes (like, semper ubi sububi). He and my dad were instrumental in moving St. Wenceslaus parish across Omaha in the 1970s so it could thrive. He insisted on eating with a real napkin and real silverware, and his four sisters lovingly took care of that for him every day. Take a moment to pray for your godparents.  


While the trip to Nebraska was unexpected, it brought us a lot of beautiful things.  We had been planning a trip there for late April, but it went almost without question that we would go to the funeral (we were lucky enough not to have anything else pressing this week).

So we combined our planned trip with this unexpected one.  Much of my family was able to come, and it was wonderful to be together.  My siblings are amazing aunts and uncles and even better parents.  So, there was my joy, right smack in the middle of a sad time.

I was able to finally introduce Miss Anni to her great-grandmother, as well as my godparents (my godmother happens to be Joe's sister).  I cherish family (and the Bauers have always been family to us) and I want my babies to know their family as much as possible.

Nugget also celebrated a rite of passage of sorts when we went to the Bohemian Cafe in Omaha.  We've been going there since as long as I can remember and every few years, at least a couple of us make it back.  One of my sister's classmates even works there, so we always get to catch up as we delve into delicious Czech meals (if you ever go, the boiled beef is to. die. for.)  Now, they may never let us back in after the mess Anni left, but at least she made it once.

While we were there, we stayed with some friends, and Anni and this adorable little boy became best friends (which is good, because his mother and I started planning their wedding when she found out she was having a boy).

And Nugget displayed some new tricks and quirks.

The wave: done especially well in her backseat mirror when she could see Daddy reflected from the rear-view mirror. 

And, when she gets lifted in the air, she now does hilarious kicks with those crazy flexible legs.

 And, last but not least, we got to celebrate lots of new life.  This family has been connected to us in numerous ways (Sarah was my RD at one point, Jeff was Daniel's and they are my nephew's godparents) and they've added two beautiful babies since we last were able to see them.  Pizza and catching up with an amazing family?  Amazing.   

As I said, it really was a crazy, unexpected whirlwind of a trip.  Despite a lot of sadness, there was a lot of joy to be found in our family, friends and the anticipation of a new soul in heaven.