Patience

This week, I reached a monumental milestone in my pregnancy: full term!  Since about the second I hit that milestone (and especially once my dearest gave me my very last progesterone shot of this pregnancy), I catch myself thinking, "Come on, baby... let's do this!"  The thing is, I know I'm not ready... I never got our closet cleaned out, our apartment vacillates between respectable and utterly, disturbingly cluttered (not dirty, mind you, unless you count that I can only seem to get one piece of furniture dusted a week) and, well, I haven't finished my birthing book or made it past the first chapter of my breastfeeding book.

But.  (Isn't there always a but?)  Seeing as how I was in no way prepared for Miss Anni's arrival, I feel almost over prepared having a bag packed for baby and I, having started (and even made it through a good portion of) any kind of birthing book, having a doula on call and having contingency plans for pretty much any time of the day or night for Anni's care and keeping while I labor.  Oh... and we did finally make a decision on *where* we're delivering.  Very exciting (and no more concerned and shocked looks when we tell people we haven't made a decision)! 

In the meantime, I'm trying take a deep breath and remind myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint, and these are the last few days (or weeks) where I get to focus on my eldest little girl all the time.  I shut down my facebook for a little while (I must have very little willpower, I am so easily sucked into spending far too much time on that silly website), got my work email cleared out, and am trying to take each day and its possibilities as they come.

We tried out a little open gym gymnastics class last week... and my little monkey adored it!  I managed to nearly miss the entire class (by misreading my note from a friend we were meeting there a good half dozen times) and didn't manage to get her cute little gymnastics outfit ordered in time to have it... but, she very easily reminded me in her excitement that absolutely none of those things mattered once we were there. 

 

I'm pretty sure we'll be back (and yes, in the cutest little leotard and gymnastics shorts ever).

I've been trying to remind myself to "just be" with her.  To sit down at breakfast when she's taking an hour to eat and chat with her, listen to her silly songs (she made one up today to the tune of "I've been working on the Railroad" about how mommy sat in the chair and on the bed while she read books and played... explains my new lack of mobility pretty accurately) and take in those hilarious expressions.  I only get this exact time with this ever-growing little girl once.  Just once.

I still hope that she'll oblige me with a nap every afternoon... I am 37 weeks pregnant and generally exhausted after all.  Naps only seem to happen about twice a week... but she is getting pretty happily acquainted with quiet reading time (the fact that she empties every single book off her shelf at this time is another story... an adorably frustrating one).

Last weekend, one of my dearest friends (and my first one when I moved to Colorado as a newlywed!), threw the sweetest little sprinkle for our Lil' Bit.  It was so nice to just celebrate our little girl's life... and our Nugget wasn't forgotten either... there were so many sweet notes and little gifts just for the big sister that I don't think she could help but feel absolutely loved. 

That's about it right now.  Just rolling along, trying to decide what kind of Super Bowl plans I can handle (my football lovin' husband is so patient!), and taking some deep breaths and a lot of naps.

Friendship

My dear friend came to visit for a few days.  It had been nearly two years since we last saw her (army, babies, cost of travel... these things make it hard!), so I was beyond thrilled that she was willing to just hang out with a very pregnant me for a few days.  

As she helped me pack my hospital bag (I get to actually *decide* what things I'm bringing to the hospital!), played with Anni as I passed out in pregnancy-induced exhaustion and made us delicious Venezualan arepas (oh. my.), I mentally thumbed through all of the milestones we had seen each other through.

We met second semester freshman year when she transferred to the college I was attending.  Okay, we actually met first semester when she visited, but we met *again* second semester and became friends (see us below... the baby faces in the front row after a dinner of pasta and lots of laughing with friends in our dorm kitchen). 

A couple of short years later, we were at different schools and she had her sweet, sweet baby girl.  I was utterly blessed to be at the hospital only moments after the birth and get to see the very first time she held her daughter and then snuggle her just a little myself.  For so many reasons, those moments are written on my heart.  I was able to see beautiful strength that day in my friend, and she has only continued to amaze me with that strength in the years since.

A few short months later, I was able to watch her graduate from basic training.  Let's be honest, there were few people I'd drive 10 hours in less than 24 hours for... I was so glad to be there, and so proud of her determination.

She then surprised me by coming to my college graduation less than six months after that (apparently we were lacking in the photo department on pictures together that day) and, four months after that, standing by my side as one of my beautiful bridesmaids as I made my vows to Daniel.



The next summer, she made the trip out to Colorado to hold my sweet little Nugget and take me out for pedicures and ice cream before she shipped out for her tour in the middle east.  I don't know that she will ever know how wonderful that pampering and time with a friend felt after the time in the hospital, oxygen tubes and brand new parental fear... especially when I should have been pampering her as she headed out for a year long tour. 

I'm so grateful that somehow our friendship has survived an insane amount of life changes over the past seven years. 

This time, she made the trip out again and made my little girl giggle like crazy.

 

 There was good food (seriously, she has added a whole new food to our worlds... soooooo good),

early morning sneaking around as Anni whispered, "shhhh... Tara's sleeping," all while yelling half of her words.  Hopefully the waffles made up for the lack of sleep.

Anni was pretty sure she didn't want Tara to leave, and is still proclaiming that she did not get on an airplane and go back to her home. 

I have a few drawings already waiting to be mailed out, and requests for us to see Tara again.

We allllmost didn't even manage a picture together, as I forgot my camera as we rushed out the door to Mass before we dropped her off at the airport.  Thanks to her handy dandy iPhone, there's proof that we saw each other... and no one will doubt that Lil' Bit was there, too!

Friendships are good... in fact, I recommend them.

Our Village

This week, my sister had her baby boy.  An induction and no pain medicine later, she completely dominated labor and we have a handsome, chubby, baby boy (9lbs 9 oz!) to love on the next time we see them.  My sister is a rock star and I'm overflowing with pride for her.  Anni has been singing Happy Birthday to her new cousin as often as it comes to mind (which is often).  

I would be lying if I didn't admit to being a little heartbroken over the fact that I'm over eight hours away and can't snuggle all the sweet boy's chub, or bring my sister chocolate and make her family a meal, or take my other nieces and nephews out for a few hours.  I think because one of my primary love languages is 'acts of service', I don't feel like I'm showing my love as well when I can't go, you know, serve a little.  (And, let's be honest, I'm going to miss that same lovin' when we have our Lil' Bit and my family is 8 hours away... thank goodness for my mama being willing to make the trip out here!)

You know the phrase, 'It takes a village'?  Even eight hours away, we have our village.  My mama and sisters have answered more ridiculous questions from me than I can count, are willing to talk to Anni on the phone, read her books over skype and generally keep us included in family life, despite the distance.  Even my brothers remember to call sometimes, and I have a few treasured letters from my big brother that always lift my spirits when I'm missing them especially.  Locally, I have very supportive in-laws and some amazing friends who are always willing to step in when we need a little extra help.  Blessed doesn't even begin to describe it.

I still wouldn't pass up a cuddle with my brand-new nephew, though. 

Welcome to my week...

I reread the Hobbit for the first time since 4th grade... it went much faster this time.

Anni actually went in the potty four times... three of which she told me beforehand that she *needed* to go, and none preceded by an accident.  We may be taking a step forward in the potty training world!

I had to scrub the entire bathroom down with bleach yesterday.  A) I hate using bleach.  B) It was necessary.  C) You can throw your shoulder out plunging a toilet... just a forewarning.

I got sick with a nice, basic cold.  That basic cold made feel like death warmed over the first night, migraine included, but has actually been pretty mild otherwise, which is awesome because normally it takes me several weeks to get past a cold.

I'm putting together a couple "boxes of sunshine"; however, it seems all the people I'm putting them together for have necessary dietary restrictions (gf/low sugar etc)... so any thoughts on adorable (yellow & happy) things to include would be lovely, as most examples include a lot of candy.  

My sister will be having her little guy any day now!  I'm still amazed by the amount of things she gets done being 40+ weeks pregnant (there is no procrastination bone in her body... I think I got hers in addition to mine).  We were pregnant at the same time during my first pregnancy as well, so I always know I can start my countdown once her baby is born (her third baby and my first - Nugget- were supposed to be born 12 weeks apart and ended up being only six, but these two are supposed to be six weeks apart... so I'm hoping for at least a few more weeks and some time to soak in her sweet little boy's pictures before Lil' Bit makes her debut). 

We've started house hunting!  That's about it... as we have really *just* started, but we're hopeful and excited.

And, just a few of the things on my menu for the week (you can skip this, but I love when people post their menus... it gives me ideas to mull over for the next week): Meatless WW Lasagna & Bread (making an extra with meat to freeze!), Homemade Sloppy Joes (We leave out the brown sugar and replace half of the ketchup with bbq sauce...mmm...), Stew (the best for basic stew because it's so easy to customize and add extra veggies we like... and remove the mushrooms that we both really, really don't like), Cottage pie, Zuppa Toscana (I replace the cream with half and half sometimes... it's delicious both ways!), Chicken Pot-pie Soup (trying for the first time!), Brinner and some kind of chicken and rice casserole.  Yum.  I always love days when we get back from the store, because Anni and I sit down and eat fruit almost immediately (fruit goes fast in our house and seems to run out about a day or so before we can make it to the store again).

I had a newborn shoot pop up this week at the last minute, which meant randomly having a backdrop set up in our living room for a few hours.  Anni got to be my light tester, and while she mostly pulled the backdrop down and tried to lie face first on the ground (it is a pretty soft backdrop in her defense), we pulled off a couple of sweet photos in the space of five minutes. 

There you have it.  A pretty average week in our household.  My goal for today is to love my family and make their day special with a clean house and yummy dinner... barring that, I'll at least try to keep my pregnancy hormones reigned in and be a cheerful wife and mommy :). 

2013: Simplify

My word of the year: simplify.

It seems to be the "thing" to choose a theme, a word, a strong word, to center your year around.  It was a thing last year, too, and while I picked one, I honestly didn't remember it a few weeks later, and never really invested myself, or maybe even understood, the idea behind the gesture.

This year my word found me.  A few days ago, I was frantically working on my mom's group newsletter [aka I had forgotten about it and the fact that we had no ink and still managed to procrastinate and not get it done until 9 pm] and I wrote about how many of the resolutions swirling through my head boiled down to one thing: simplifying, simplifying our things, our schedule and even how I spend my time.

And then, at our mom's group, we had a speaker who ended up speaking straight to my heart (though he probably had no idea).  Nugget actually crossed a big threshhold today and went willingly to childcare, with a smile on her face (with the full understanding that mommy would pick her up as soon as her meeting was over).  Why is this important?  Well, other than the fact that this is a huge step for a girl who hasn't made it through any kind of group babysitting session (except for one, but there were apparently many tears) in the past year, I was able to fully listen to the speaker.  He delved into a pretty intense talk based on the transcendentals (one, good, true and beautiful) and the need for everyone (even mothers) to find them in their lives.  It all came full circle when he discussed the need for silence in our lives, even/especially as mothers.  I'm not quite sure yet where to find that silence, whether it be waking up before Anni in the morning, or taking the time during her quiet time to sacrifice what I want to do (laundry/facebook/work) to spend some time in the stillness in prayer, actually listening.

Either way, I think this year that word will anchor me to that need to pause for a moment and breathe, to get rid of things that are just causing clutter and stress and to focus on being truly present for our family.

Do you have a focus for your year?  Did you make resolutions?

33 weeks!

How far along?  33 week, 2 days... this is huge folks!
Total weight gain/loss?  Enough :).  I only feel huge if I look at pictures of myself (or occasionally the mirror, but that's not as bad).  I'm over it, though, I'm growing a baby here... she can take all the space she needs (maybe I should stop giving Christmas chocolate so much room...)
 Maternity clothes?  Yep!  My sweatpants and pj pants still fit pretty well (I always buy them a size bigger for comfort anyway), but my "going into public" pants are definitely stretchy-banded and all.
Stretch marks? Some brand new ones the last few weeks!  They aren't too itchy, and I really don't mind.  Stretch away, self!
Sleep? A little better than it had been (Anni still is night-waking, but isn't needing as much rocking and comfort as a few weeks ago).  My main issue is that I keep leaving my water drinking until evening... and then I drink several (plus several more if we're playing Ticket to Ride like we have been the last few days) cups of water and, well, you get the rest. 
 Best moment last week? Getting to see Lil' Bit on the ultrasound today!  Actually, we mostly saw her kidneys (they were checking that the little fluid pockets hadn't grown, and that I wasn't showing any signs of pre-term labor), but we did get a few glimpses at her sweet little face, arm thrown up over her head as always.  Anni was SO excited and informed the technician that she was a big sister, and that Lil' Bit was going to be her little sister.  She also begged for a photo of her own, and felt awful when she realized in the car ride home that she forgot to say thank you. 
 Movement?  Oh. yeah.  I wish I knew exactly what was going on in there, because there is some kind of party going on.  There's a lot of funny rolling, I'm assuming things are getting tight and that's just her shifting around, but I'm not entirely sure.  She is also definitely more of a puncher than a kicker (the last two ultrasounds she has been head down, so I think I can assume what the punches are vs the kicking), and I love every funny little jab.  That being said, the few times she has had hiccups drive me crazy!  Something OCD in me about it not being a perfect pattern with my breathing.  Strange, I know, but at least she doesn't seem to have them often!
 Food cravings?  Oh, dear... Christmas and New Year's have meant that I've indulged a bit much in junk food.  So... yeah... lots of things I wouldn't recommend to anyone in great quantities, never mind a pregnant woman ;-).  That being said, yum!
 Gender? Still one sweet little girl.
Labor signs? Thank the Lord in so many ways, NO!  I was so relieved when all the measuring and checking showed no signs of pre-term labor!  I am officially more pregnant than I have ever been... so very exciting! 
Belly button in/out?  Still in, but getting closer!
What I miss: I miss... not feeling hormonal all the time!  Not that I was never hormonal when not pregnant, because that would be a big lie, but it's been a little ridiculous this week.  I definitely cried when I lost a board game to Daniel (sorry, honey!)   
What I am looking forward to: This week?  I'm ready to be done with shots.  They're wonderful, wonderful things, and I'm eternally grateful that they're picking up the slack where my body is leaving off (apparently I just stink at producing progesterone... who knew?!), but I'm sore.  Hematoma on one side and worn out sites on the other.  Thank goodness these do have an end.
Milestones: Well, the whole I've never made it this far in pregnancy thing is AWESOME (okay, okay, more kudos to the shots)!  I definitely breathed a big sigh of relief getting past this day... now just to get to full term!  We can do it!

Happy New Year!

 At five minutes to midnight, our sweetheart woke up needing some middle-of-the-night comfort.  Our last moments of 2012 and first of 2013 were spent rocking and singing Auld Lang Syne as a family.

Perfect.

I hope your New Year is as wonderful as ours has been thus far!