We all know parenthood is hard. What I've also come to realize is that we make it harder on ourselves. Rather than trying to be better than the previous version of ourselves, we worry about one-upping every other mother around.
For example: I am a lazy mama. I know this about myself. If I don't put real effort into it, I can become an unmoving pile of mom on the couch, only shifting enough to keep the littles going. So I can't compare my rather small goals of: "just keeping moving", "do what you can", and "feed the children" to my much more organized and with-it counterparts. It would drive me insane to heap guilt upon myself because I'm not scrubbing the house clean every day. Sure, guilt can be a good motivator, but wallowing?
Wallowing helps no one.
In fact, if you're me, wallowing turns into giving into the lazy temptation to give up because "I'll never be as good as..."
I've had to recognize that just as in all other areas of life, in motherhood, too, I have my areas of strength and weakness. Despite the fact that my natural state is above-mentioned couch puddle, I do try very hard to avoid that constant state of being. I use that knowledge of my weaknesses to be proactive. For example, I won't get a smartphone, not because I think they are evil or that others shouldn't have them, but because I
know I would be one to struggle with burying my face in it half the day... and tempting myself with one more thing just isn't a good idea. And while my natural state is a homebody, I work hard to be a "yes" mama when I can. Yes, we can go play with your scooter. Yes, we should definitely go to the library. Yes, of course you can go on a walk with me. I've found my own little trick to get myself going for these things. If I tell Anni and Colette to get their shoes on... we're in it to finish, they make absolutely sure of that (and who can resist a 17 month old wriggling onto your lap for shoe help?) On the plus side of all of this, I think I am good at documenting these babies' childhoods and I think we do a good job passing our faith on. I'm going to live those strengths up without shame. It's also okay to admit we are good at things, fellow parents.
When it comes to housekeeping, things go in cycles. Sometimes, I do feel like I'm pretty on top of things, but I would hesitate to say that my house is ever 100% clean and organized (because bathtubs and toilets always need to be scrubbed, and there may or may not be boxes that still need to be unpacked from our move a year ago in my office...) I keep plugging, trying to ignore the fact that I don't always scrub the bathrooms on Mondays, the bedrooms on Tuesdays, etc. I try to focus on the fact that I have learned an incredible amount since getting married on the care and keeping of a home, and can only hope I will learn doubly that in the years to come. I want our home to be welcoming, tidy, and cozy... but I have to accept that I may not always be capable of managing all of those adjectives in every corner of the house at one time.
I suppose all I'm trying to say is: be kind to yourself. Keep fighting the good fight, but give yourself a break when you fail.
