This morning, Daniel left early to pick up a co-worker and we were barely awake at the same time. While Miss Anni forked away at her eggs (have I mentioned she mostly feeds herself now?), I listened to the radio. The traffic reporter started talking about really bad traffic and over one hundred accidents on the roads. Well, tickle me white (?), there was snow just falling away outside. Anni was going to spend the morning with a friend, but we decided not to brush the car off and stay in. She stared out the window, pointing, and smiled as she said, "sNO! sNO! I wuv it!"
I'm doing a lot of thinking today. I don't think I'm the mom I want to be, and I think that's my fault.
Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment to get some blood drawn and start down the road of figuring out some (currently minor) medical issues. While we were there, our (amazing) doctor asked me if I knew that Anni had a lazy eye.
well...um... no?
He said he could be wrong but it looked like her right eye turned in a little bit when she looked at him. He checked with the... eye-light-thingamajig, and gave us a reference for a children's eye doctor. So, really, we don't know anything but possibilities (and the fact that my doctor is amazing for noticing that when we were there for me). However, my family has a long history with glasses, eye patches and all things related to poor eyesight (except my oldest sister, she stole the good genes there). To be honest, I hate the idea of changing anything about her little face, even just to put a pair of glasses or patch on it. She's just perfect the way she is. And I know we may not have to if we're lucky. Moving past the wishing and hoping she wouldn't inherit the only genes she was given for her eyes (Daniel's eyes don't see too well, either), I spent the afternoon researching glasses that would fit on a 20 month (not a whole lot of luck yet) and hand-sewn eye patches that I could bribe my sister into whipping up (don't think I won't). If these are the last few days we have an obstructed view of her sweet face, I'm just going to soak them up. And if they aren't, at least I soaked up some extra beauty.
(PS I am entirely grateful for the vision glasses have given my family and may give Anni - just a little sad to see her moving into that phase so quickly.)
As far as being a better mother, well, I've got a great hubby who's willing to push me. We're shutting off the Internet for a week starting tonight (it will be turned on for necessary work email etc, we do both have jobs to maintain ;-)) to remind ourselves that it's something we need to pare back. I'm going to start having more plans for play with Anni... not necessarily because she needs it, but because it helps me to make our day better. I didn't really make any New Year's Resolutions, but I think this would be it if I did, learning balance and working when I need to, but truly being the mom I want to be.
